Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:
1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a
five day test.
3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of
the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sitto decide that nothing can be
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward
to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured
24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter
in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails......
What If Titanic sank Today?:
Reaction from different countries:
U.S.A: "A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists. We will not sit quiet and we will
teach them a lesson. Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and destroy your
Al-Qaeda network." (president Bush..whoelse?)
U.K: "I have spoken to the president of United States and we have both agreed that the sinking of
titanic is significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly behind this attack, Iraq is imposing
a threat to the world and this has to be dealt with." (Prime minister Blair)
Iraq: "LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)
Israel: "These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say that sinking of
titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide bombers who have commited such a crime..we
will now impose curfew on the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them,
destroy their homes and refugee camps." (ariel Sharon..bastard)
Canada: "Titanic who????" (Canadian president)
India: "Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received passports of Pakistani extremists from
the Titanic debris. Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We are now
deploying more soldiers to the border." (prime minister Vajpayee)
Pakistan: "Can we get over with the elections first..please?" (President Musharraf)
UN: "Shit happens right??" (sec.gen. kofi annan)
Survivors: ".uhh.Helllooo.Is anyone listening...it was an iceberg..hellloooooo."
ati kia khandala diff lanauge
(THE ORIGINAL) - URDU
Aye kya bolti tu?
Aye kya main bolun?
Aati kyaa Khandaalaa?
Kyaa karun, aakey main khandala?
Are ghumenge, phirenge, naachenge,gayenge aaish karenge aur kya?
Aye kee boldi tu;
Aye ke mein bolaan;
Chaldi aye khandala
Ki karaan gee aa ke mein khandala ?
Are Ghoomaan gay, Turaan gay, Naachen gay, Gaaven gay,
Mauj Karan ge, Aur Ki?
Angrayzi (That's Pakistani eNGLISH)
Aye what you say?
Aye what I say?
Coming to khandala?
What should I do, coming to khandala?
We'll roam, we'll loaf, we'll dance , we'll singwe"ll love
and what else?
KHaliS URDU AD^B
Aap kyaa kehtii hain?
Main kyaa kahuun?
Aap chalengii khandaalaa?
Kyaa karun, chalke main khandaalaa?
Hum ghumenge, phirenge, naachenge, gaayenge, aish karenge, aur
Aye, Kya bolriyay so?
Aye, Kya bolna so?
Suna Rey Rey
Aati So Khandala?
Kya Karna aakho main Khandala?
Ghumnaich, Phirnaich, Naachnaich, Gaanaich, Aaish Ich Karnaso, Aur
Bezzzaarrr Karni Ba!
Ei ki bolis tui
Ei ki ar boli
Jabi ki khondalaa
Ki kori giye khondalaa
Are, ghurbo, phirbo, nachbo, gaibo, maja korbo ar ki?
FRENCH (L'INDE LIASON)
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu dis?
Aye! qu'est-ceque tu me vouler dire? !
Est-ceque tu viens a la Khandala ?
Qu'est-ceque je fais a aller a la Khandala ?
Promenez, Allez, Dansez, Chantez a quelle?
Aye balike, twam katham kathisyasi
Aye balakah aham kim kathisyamh
Kim twam khandaalaa agchasyasi
Aham kim kurwasyami khandaalayeh
gamisyami, bhramisyami, nryuthyami, gaayami, maja karishma, kim
Two Top American Executives at IBM, USA
Alex: Hi John. You didn't come to work yesterday
John: Yeah. I was at the Pakistani Embassy trying to get my visa.
Alex: Oh, really? What happened? I've heard that these days they have become very strict.
John: Yeah, but I managed to get it.
Alex: How long did it take to get it stamped?
John: Man, it was a long queue. Bill Gates was waiting in front of me and they really gave him a
hard time. The poor guy even brought the property papers for his house in Seattle to show them
that he will return to USA. I went there at 4:00 a.m. to get in the queue and there were tons of
people ahead of me.
Alex: Really? In Pakistan, at the US Embassy it only takes an hour to get a visa for USA.
John: Yeah! But that's because no one in Pakistan would want to come to USA, except Americans who
have taken Pakistani nationality and want to bring their kids here.
Alex: So, when are you leaving?
John: As soon as I get my tickets from the company in Pakistan. I'm so excited. I will be getting
a chance to finally fly with the world's fastest growing airline, Pakistan International Airlines
(PIA). Sort of dream come true, you know.
Alex: How long are you planning to stay in Pakistan?
John: What do you mean "how long"? I will try and settle in Pakistan. My company has promised me
that they will process my Green Book as soon as possible.
Alex: Really? Man, you're a lucky one. It's very difficult to get the Green Book in Pakistan.
Last year my cousin and his family went there on a tourist visa and they're not coming back now.
John: Yeah. That's why I'm planning on marrying a Pakistani girl there and then sponsoring my
parents and my brother and sister from New York to Pakistan.
Alex: But I hear you can find lots of good American girls in Karachi and Lahore.
John: Yeah, but I prefer Pakistani girls. They are so much more superior to our girls, and what
great brunette complexion they have!
Alex: What city are you going to?
John: Karachi. The company has an office in downtown Saddar. Yeah, the salary is good but the
cost of living is quite high because of all the people flocking to this high-tech Mecca.
Alex: I hear the exchange rate is now $100 to a Rupee! That's just too much. What about Quetta
and Peshawar? What are they like?
John: No idea. But they are cheaper than Karachi, which is the world's headquarters for
information technology now.
Alex: I hear the quality of life in Pakistan is incredible.
John: Yeah, man. You can buy a BMW for Rs.30,000, and a Mercedes for less than Rs.45,000. But my
dream is to purchase a Suzuki Turbo FX-800 which costs roughly Rs.90,000. But what a sweet
design, great curves, and it purrs to the touch.
Alex: By the way, which company are you gonna work for?
John: Haji Jalal Puttarjee & Bros. Technologies, a pure Pakistani conglomerate specializing in
Alex: Man, you're so lucky to work for a pure Pakistani company. They are really intelligent and
unlike any American body shops that have opened their fly-by-night outfits in Pakistan. The
Pakistani companies pay you even when you're on the bench. My friend, Paul Allen, used his bench
time to visit the Makran Coast, the most gorgeous resort in Pakistan, I hear.
John: Yeah, man, you're right. I hope the US learns something from them and follows in their
footsteps. It seems all we do is borrow more and more money from the Askari Bank.
Alex: How are you going to cope with their language?
John: I've been learning Urdu since my school days. I always dreamed that one day I'll head for
Pakistan ever since my uncle bought me that T-Shirt from Islamia College. At the Consulate they
tested my proficiency in Urdu and were quite impressed by my score in TOUFL (Test of Urdu as a
Alex: Boy! You're so damn lucky.
John: Yeah. I'll be travelling in the world's fastest train, Tezgam, I'll be visiting the world's
largest theme park in Changa Manga, and I'll be visiting the famous Lollywood where I might meet
the sons and daughters of movie legends like Nadeem, Sultan Rahi, Anjuman, Reema and the gorgeous
of all, Madam Babra Sharif.
Alex: You know, the Pakistani President is scheduled to visit USA next year and I hear that he
may increase the number of employment visas.
John: That's very true. Last month, their Labour Minister, Naswar Khan Pakhtoon, visited the
White House and donated Rs.20,000 for the re-development of the World Trade Centre at Silicon
Valley, and has promised more if we follow the models of the fast developing high-tech cities,
Gujranwalla and Raiwind. Bill Gates was lucky to have a chance to meet him. Very lucky person.
Alex: Will you be calling on Dave? I hear that he has made it big there and has a beautiful house
on the Lyari River in Karachi.
John: Yeah, I'll be meeting him.
Alex: Anyway, nice chatting to you, John. Good luck, you lucky guy.
John: Yeah, and the same to you, Alex. By the way, don't ever go to the Pakistani Consulate in
shalwar-kameez because they will think you're too Pakistanised and may doubt that you will ever
come back, and your application will be rejected. And yes, don't forget to say to the Visa
Officer politely: "As'salam-o-Alaikum, aap kaisay hain?" It will show them you're a cultured
Tips for Working Hard
1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their
hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in
their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand
look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home
with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual
observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a
blast without doing anything remotely related to work. When you get caught by your boss -and you
*will* get caught - your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software,
thus saving valuable training expenses.
3. Messy desk. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last
year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If
you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an
existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just
because they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work
for THEM. That's no way to live. If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it
can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any
incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a
recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a
hardworking employee in high demand.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed. One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to
give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6. Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read, but have no time until
late before leaving.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the
impression that you are very hard pressed.
8. Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books
on the floor etc.. You can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.
9. Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new
products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to
understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
Q1:- Cat aur RABBIT main kia farq hota hay ?
ANS:- Cat ki dum aur RABBIT kay kaan lambay hotay hain.
Q2:- Elephant kay jism main ajeeb cheez kia hoti hay ?
Ans:- Us ka left kaan buhat bara aur right kaan left kaan kay barabar hota hay
Q3:- Aaj kal HORSE ki sawari main kis QISM ki kami mehsoos ki jaati hay?
ANS:- Horse main REVERSE gear naheen hota.
Q4:- Daur main TORTOISE , RABBIT say kaisa jeeta?
Ans:- Rabbit kay PILAG main kachra aanay ki waja say.
Q5:- Har BHOONKNAY wala DOG kaat ta kyon naheen hay?
Ans:- Kyonkay woh yeh hi samajhta hay kay jab kaatna hi hay to bhoonknay say kia faida.
Q6:- Donkey ziada weight uthaanay wala animal kyon samjha jaata hay.
Ans:- Is leeay kay woh DONKEY hay.
Q7. What does it shows if a US or isralei soldier kills innocent childrens?
Ans. SELF DEFENCE
Q8. What does it shows if a Muslim Defence himself and kills the CRUEL US soldier?
Ans. A terrorist attack
Q9 Is There any Diffrence Beetween A Cassete & Women ?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Ans is NO :|
1 Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like
flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all
functions to the candidate we like.
Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate
and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are
added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.
2 Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus
it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.
3 Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.
Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.
4 Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution
of PROJECT- married life.
Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible
for successful execution of project Married life.
5 Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing
Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.
6 Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.
Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be
7 Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive........ yet one never knows when it will
Arranged Marriage is like Unix..boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust.
MATHEMATICAL LOVE LETTER
Dear miss Mid Term ,
Hi !Yeaterday I saw u in the circle of ur frnds .my only heart broke into 2.076 pieces appx.The
curve of ur eyebrows, the eclipse of ur ears and the velocity of ur voice seemed to have divided
my senses from which the calculating articles had been removed like a common factor.
I have been in gr8 mathematical unrest since our eyes formed the extreme points of two parallel
straight lines drawn through the medium of love .......
Throughout the night I solved the problem and deduced that geometrically our heads are equal in
all respects ,hence they are convergent .
My heart beats a 100 times per minute ,showing an increase of 30 beats exactly ....,the addition
,division and subtracting of my senses are tracing out of luv with a tendency to keep a minimum
distance b/w u and me. The straight line of ur beauty has crossed the center of my heart.It is
now bleeding in quarters.
If u can devise any method of theorem to measure love ,giving ur answer correctly to 7.0 decimal
place and get the right answer . you will receive a hexagonal ring once owned by
Only Urs ,
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks
the other and throws the milk away...
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd
multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce
the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why
the cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the
need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
The next day, the employee recieved this letter
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed
that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may
go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
One hand on steering wheel,
One hand out of window. thats Australia
One hand on steering wheel,
One hand on horn thats Japan
One hand on steering wheel,
One hand on newspaper,
Foot solidly on accelerator... thats Boston
Both hands on steering wheel,
Eyes shut, both feet on brake,
Quivering in terror thats New York
Both hands in air,
Gesturing, both feet on accelerator,
Head turned to talk to someone in back seat thats Italy
One hand on horn,
One hand greeting,
One ear on cell phone,
One ear listening to loud music,
Foot on accelerator,
Both eyes on Shopping centers
Conversation with someone in next car
Welcome to Pakistan!
Girls with attitude!
Is this what Girls think about Boys???
If u treat her nice she says "yaar mujhe line de raha hai"
If u dont she says "kitna akarta hai"
If u dress nicely she says"mujhay impress karna chata hai"
If u dont she says "tasteless hai yaar"
If u argue with her she says"ziddi hai"
If u sit quietly she says"dumb hai"
If u act smarter "she'll lose her brain and say u r insulting her"
If she acts smarter "she think its her right"
If u dont love her she says "is ka to pehlay say hi 2,3 larkioon k saath chakar hai"
If u love her she says"peechay hi par gaya hai"
If u dont give her a kiss she says" tum mujh say serious naheen ho"
If u give her a kiss she says" sab ko line deta hoga"
If u r skinny she says "u shud have appropriate mass at appropriate places"
If u r healthy she says "u shud b smart"
If u dont tell her ur problems she says" ur not honest with me"
If u do tell to her she says "ur a problem child"
If u scold her she says "you act like a nanny giving lectures"
If she scolds u she says "Yaar, its becoz I care"
If u break a promise she says "she does not trust u any more"
If she breaks she says "jan mein majbour thi"
If u do good in exams she says "qismat ne saath diya warna tum or good marks"
If she gets goods mark she says"" its my brain"
If u hurt her she says "u r cruel & dont care for my feelings"
If she hurts you she replies "u r not understanding"
& they claim the (girls) r not Hypocrates??!!!
"Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though."
"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..."
"Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)"
"Hit any user to continue."
"Scandisk is now checking your hard disk. You can start praying."
"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue."
"WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue."
"Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?"
What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
The space bar.
Computer Love Letter
A man loved a girl who studies computer science. He sent her a letter saying
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY COMPUTER
Believe me it is true...
You installed the best in me. Your picture is always in my background.
You clicked my heart gently. You drive me crazy when I see you.
Your love reset my life and deleted all the sadness in me.
You restored my kindness after I thought it was corrupted.
I'm always connected to you
with more than 56 heartbeats per second.
You hacked my brain and registered your name in it.
You are the only one that could navigate my
feelings and explore my emotions at the same time.
I feel lost when I try to call you and you are not responding.
I always feel you close to me when I shut down my eyes, or when I open my windows waiting for you
You are the only one that can log into my heart and never log out.
I dream of being your only server as long as I live.
You don't have to search for me, cause we are always linked to each other.
I see your name everywhere, my FrontPage, my homepage and all my software.
I scanned my life and found that I'm only infected by you.
You are the virus I'd never remove, and why should I do?
You formatted my life and added happiness to view.
Believe me it is true...
I love you
more than my
Types Of Women
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
They say she can do a lot of things but she mostly works for basic needs.
She is good for nothing but at least she is comes and no one there!
Difficult to access.
Always busy when you need her.
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
She is always faster and faster.
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she
comes, installs herself and uses all your resources.
SC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT
An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com
Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan
Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park
4 weeks stay in Switzerland + London + New Zealand
+ Canada = watch 4 minute song in Hindi movie
Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability +
personality + own production company = Kajol
Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your wife's favourite drama serials
Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega crorepati = A SUPERSTAR
Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent
Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
One smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
One person - shirt = Salman Khan
One person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt
One hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives
+ A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film
H.O.L.L.A.N.D Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. Come Here.. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction
K.O.R.E.A. Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
M.A.N.I.L.A. May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
P.E.R.U. Phorget (Forget) Everyone... Remember Us.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D. Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.